Everyone thinks I'm failing? Ask the thought 3 questions.

A short exercise for everyday thoughts. Free. No sign up to try it.

This is for everyday thoughts, like "I said something stupid" or "they are annoyed with me". It is not for depression, anxiety disorders, trauma or PTSD, or thoughts that take over your life. See the safety note at the bottom.

Some thoughts sound like facts: "Everyone thinks I'm failing." They are big and vague, so they are hard to argue with. Arguing back usually does not work, so we do something different: we ask the thought for its evidence.

The exercise

Write the thought as one sentence. Rate how true it feels, 0 to 10.
Ask: Who exactly? Write the names or the situation.
Ask: What happened? Write only what a camera would have seen or heard.
Ask: What else could it mean? Write two other possible meanings that fit the facts.
Rate the thought again, 0 to 10. Pick the meaning the facts support best.

Example

Thought: Everyone thinks I'm failing. (7 out of 10)

Who exactly? My manager.

What happened? She asked me to redo one slide.

What else could it mean? She wants one slide clearer. She was in a hurry.

Rate again: 4 out of 10. (An example only. Your number may stay the same or go up, and that is useful too.)

Why it may work

A big thought like "everyone" or "nobody" hides the details. The questions turn it into names, events and other possible meanings, which are easier to check. Reviews of emotion research find that changing how we read an event, and taking another view of it, can change how strongly we feel.

Evidence B

The idea behind it, changing how we read an event, has support in emotion research (Webb, Miles and Sheeran, 2012, https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027600). Stepping back from a thought also helps a little (Murdoch and others, 2023, https://doi.org/10.1002/smi.3199). We found no study of these exact 3 questions. They borrow from the NLP Meta Model, which is not strongly tested (Sturt and others, 2012, https://doi.org/10.3399/bjgp12X658287), so we offer them as an experiment.

Check in

Did the number change? Down, up or the same all tell you something.

If it went up: stop here, take a break, and do not push on.

Without looking back: what are the 3 questions?

Use it again: the next time a thought starts with "everyone", "nobody" or "always".

This page is not therapy, diagnosis or treatment. If a thought keeps coming back for weeks, stops you sleeping, working or enjoying life, or you think about harming yourself, talk to a doctor or a therapist now.Malta helpline 1579 (24/7)

Next small experiment

Is the thought a worry about something that has not happened yet?

Make it smaller.

Make a small worry feel smaller

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